September 25, 2004 - Brevity Memorial
(click here for pictures from
this event)
On Saturday, the 25th of September, 2004, there was an unveiling
of a memorial, called the Brevity Memorial. (Meaning 'Brief Life')
Long story, but I will tell you about it...
When our baby died in 1988, we were not encouraged by the medical staff to
have a memorial, or to take him from the hospital to be buried.They assured
us (we were SO dumb and inexperienced and in shock....) that they would 'dispose
of the baby' for us. How I have mourned that decision. How I have regretted
not having a place to go...to lay a flower, to remember, to heal...and so...years
later, I met a lady (Linda Woods) in Kelowna (about 6 years ago.) Her son Andy
(18) had recently been killed in a car accident, the second son to die in their
family. Another son, Greg completed suicide at age 13.
I had read about her in the paper, about how she had become
involved in many community things to raise the awareness of suicide, etc.
She and her husband Glen were also the head of the Compassionate Friends...a
parent support group that meets every month...the common bond is that they
have all lost children...
So, I called her one day, and asked if I could drop by...which is totally out
of character for me, and I met with her, gave her my first CD, and a note,
and
went on my way. I kept in touch with her, and began attending some of the compassionate
friend meetings...mostly out of curiosity, and also, because in the midst of
those parents,our baby, Kyle, was acknowleged as a person, not a pregnancy
loss. I could also listen to these hurting people, and befriend them.
Anyhow, Linda and I became good friends, she and I would talk on the phone
often, and she would share some of her frustrations, her regrets, sorrows,
but also
she showed me what an incredibly strong lady she is, a true survivor ...her
husband is very involved in what I would call their ministry as well.
Anyhow, about 2 years ago, she told me that she wanted to somehow raise the
money to build a memorial site at the cemetary, where names could be engraved
for babies, children and older children, who had no grave site, who were cremated,
or who were perhaps buried far away from where their families were now.
She mentioned that I had played a small part in why she felt strongly about
getting this memorial in place...she knew the ache in my heart about not having
a place to see our son's name. SO....she has worked endlessly, with the help
of her husband, Glen, and many, many volunteers to see this memorial dream
become a reality.
On Sept. 25, it was unveiled, and she had had so many calls to have names added,
that there were 160 names that were engraved on it. There are two walls that
the names are listed on, as well as a statue with two young children on it,
to represent the brief lives.
Linda had had a call from a 96 year old man, who said he had always felt bad
that his only sister, who died as an infant, had no grave site. She died in
1907 or something. So, her name was on there too. People are never too old
to remember those they love and miss.
She expected about 300 people there, and I would venture to say that there
were between 400-500 people in attendance.Linda had asked me to sing 3 songs,
one being the Because He Promised (Kyle's Song) that I wrote for our baby.
Another song was 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow'... and a balloon liftoff followed
that song...in a rainbow of colors... Each person had a balloon to release,
along with a note on it if they wished.These balloons were all released at
the same time. It was a sight to behold. Each balloon represented someone's
child...it was an incredible moment. There were 24 white doves released as
well. The song 'Go Rest High on That Mountain' was a song I sang with the help
of Donovan and Danielle Diminyatz, Errol and Kirsten Palipane and my mom, Ruth.
That song was in honor of those children who died by completing suicide.
This service for our us, was like Kyle's memorial that we'd never had... he
would have been 16 this year...
For me personally... this service almost completed my circle of healing...the
real healing will come, of course, when that special angel brings Kyle to my
arms...
something that Landon, and our other children, Kayla, Adam & Garrison are
dreaming of as well.
We had a terrific number of family members attend, more than I could have imagined.
We are so grateful for the support. ( Many others could not be there, but we
felt their prayers.) Special thanks to each one who came out to spend this
special day with us.
Landon and I had decided that we would like to give a CD in Kyle's memory,
to each family who had a child's name engraved on the wall.
We had at least 120 people come by and very gratefully accept the CD in honor
of their children. I pray that they are able to find some
comfort and hope from the words of each song.
Thank you for your prayers. They were apparent by the peace we felt in our
hearts.